The FRITZ – 3/23/12

It’s The FRITZ, my weekly rapid-fire reality recap blog. For fellow lovers of Survivor and The Amazing Race, rejoice with me. For haters of all things non-scripted…step away from your screen. Uh, but please come back again soon. Like, seriously, don’t leave me forever.

Survivor LogoSurvivor: One World

Nothing could have prepared us for this.

We’d already had one medivac this season. Remember Snow White, the first episode? We barely knew her. Curses.

In the premiere he referred to the season not as One World, but “Colton’s World.” And after six seething episodes, Colton was indeed the star of this season. Sure there’s been plenty of complainers and name-bashers in 24 seasons, but there’s never before been quite a young gay Republican sort of name-basher like Colton.

Making his early unexpected exit from the game all the more shocking, and for most, I’m sure, sweet.

Forget the Salami tribe even exists for now. The editors sure did. It was all NONONO, all the time, with Colton and Alicia teaming up against Christina and speaking her into the dirt while vampire Leif just hid in his coffin. Colton even suggested Christina jump in the fire to get medivaced out if that was easier than waiting three days to get voted out.

As a writer, I’m quite the fan of irony. So I’m sure you can surmise my reaction when Colton was struck with what appeared to be a severe case of appendicitis. Actually, though, before we bring in Dr. Jeff and Dr. Ramona, let’s allow Tarzan the chance to diagnose Colton’s condition:

It probably appendicitis or he could just have gas in the cecum.

Andddd so Dr. Ramona made her second appearance of the season and had to endure Jeff Probst’s barrage of medical questioning. And with his not-so-hidden immunity idol graced about his neck, Colton exited this game not down a shadowy path, but on a stretcher. If ever karma existed in this game, its prime victim was Colton.

The episode closed with a needless medical-based tribal council, as Jeff took everything he’d learned from Dr. Ramona and relayed it to the Salami tribe. After hearing harrowing tales of fellow castmates’ appendixes, Kat was afraid she might catch this deadly disease. Watch out, Kat: like a thief in the night doth appendicitis strike.

Finally, the tribes merged back into one world after separating for two episodes into two worlds, and Tarzan once again said THE GAME IS AFOOT for no real concrete reason.

Onward with the merge!

Race LogoThe Amazing Race

Let’s waste no time getting to the highlight feature from this episode: THE ROAMING GNOME IS BACK OH YEAHHHHHH.

As the seasons have progressed, the Roaming Gnome has taken on an increased role with the racers. At first they just had to find the thing. Now in season 20, they’re dragging the little guy to every route marker, even sliding him across ice rinks in the famous German sport of GnomeSlide.

Rachel was confused where the Roaming Gnome was exactly. Rome? A solid guess, Rachel, but no, they’re actually sitting around a cabin table as one big happy Travelocity family, listening to scary intense yodelers.

Brendon/Rachel appeared to repair their relationship from last episode, as Rachel affectionately referred to Brendon as her “bookie bear.” Or was it “boogie bear”? You know, I’m not really sure, but Brendon certainly didn’t want that manly nickname leaking to the other racers.

This week’s detour was a tough choice. I mean, REALLY: how would I possibly choose between styling old man beards and building a gingerbread house with a witch for an audience? So glad I didn’t have to make that impossible decision.

Loved the fairy tale theme of this episode, from Hansel and Gretel’s bread crumbs to Sleeping Beauty’s castle (spelled with approximately 77 consonants in a row). Is it not also great that there exists in this world a wrong castle just next door to the right one?

The pit stop was one of my favorites in 20 seasons: inside a barn, the path to the mat lined with restless cows on either side. Phil usually has one greeter beside him, but this time he had 38.

Brendon thundered onto the finishing mat and nearly took out one of those 38 greeters (the human one). In the end, the cows mooed a song of mourning for Kerri/Stacy, the spunky southern cousins I was really starting to enjoy.

Thank goodness we still have Mark/Bopper though. And thank goodness Bopper evaded a heart attack at the hands of Sleeping Beauty’s treacherous castle, Hnkjztxwklmnzpmmwg. The spelling is what’s treacherous, not the climb.

Excited that Survivor will go back to a true “one world” again? Thrilled or bummed to lose Colton like this? Do you hope Mark/Bopper continue yodeling in future legs?

  • I haven’t seen Survivor sense the Rupert days… he’s still on it, right?

    • TMZ

      Haha, he was actually on four seasons ago in another All Stars version. ROARRRRRRRR.

  • Mlyaksh

    I’m saddened more by the fact that I’m sad Colton’s gone than I’m actually sad about Colton being gone… Especially since I don’t even watch the show- I just read it about it here.

    Such is “One World”…