The Day Lies Died

The Old ManI am worthless.

I have no purpose, no “point.”

I am doomed to fall, doomed to fail, repeatedly and hard, regardless of any earnest effort. Maybe because of my earnest effort.

I am alone.

I cannot love or be loved. Not the “right” way, whatever that even means.

Having a spiritual “family” is an impossible myth.

I have no courage; my “one word” for 2012 is a total joke.

I cannot step out like others so effortlessly do. Other Christians. Better Christians.

I am an inferior Christian. Deficient. Irrelevant.

I will never amount to anything, because I never have amounted to anything.

I should quit church and community, friends and family. It’s not worth it.

Should just lock myself up forever. Away from everyone.

I am a freaking hopeless mess.

***

The New Man***

Still reeling from the sheer, overwhelming magnitude of my 25th birthday. Thankfully, I find myself immediately immersed in a much-needed vacation to sort out my soul.

Also happening soon, my half-marathon this Sunday. Good thing I’m a new man with new legs now.

More pictures, video, and/or holograms from my momentous night to come next week. Be back to blogging again in no time.

Until then.

I love you all.

  • Rebecka

    This post (and your last one) just makes me so happy! god bless you!

    • TMZ

       Thanks so much! Makes me so happy too.

  • Mlyaksh

    I wish there was a proper way to express tears through a comment. Alas, I can only tell you that this day in your story brings tears of absolute joy to me! I can’t wait for to hear more about everything from this day! I love you too, my brother in Christ.

    • TMZ

       Thanks man!! Was an awesome tear-inducing day indeed.

  • David Martin

    It’s amazing how believable those lies can feel.
    Lies- every one of them.

    • TMZ

      So true. Will remain a challenge to keep them dead moving forward, but I need look no further than my 25th birthday to counter so many, if not all of them.