I’ve Never Not Wanted to be Gay. Until Now.

I watched Boy Erased the other night, and it messed me up more than any other movie has. Unlike countless others I’ve encountered over the years, I never attempted ‘praying the gay away’ as a kid and have largely experienced more struggles with my masculinity than my sexuality. Until now.

I Will Stay in This Rubble

I don’t know. I’m in a season of not knowing. Which means I’m doing a lot of listening these days. But I hear the whispers. I’ve been unintentionally heeding them these last 8 months as I’ve turned over stone after stone. I will rummage through this rubble until there are no more boulders or pebbles left to turn.

This Isn’t Real Life

When real life gets hard and messy and not as it should be, I have an inner sanctum I return to, again and again. One rotted by dopamine-laced falsities.

Nothing Makes Sense (And the C Chord Lingers Still)

I don’t know where this particular tune in time is taking me. I hear a lot of silence right now. Resolution feels far off. The last note lingers, and I want to hear the final sound.

Do Not Calm This Storm

Jesus won’t calm the storm with a single word. His way is a way of work. Of picking up crosses daily. Of lugging said crosses up mountains. Of taking the narrower way of all the broader ways available to my wanderlust.

End of Year Emo Blizzard

As 2018 winds down, I find myself in my most emotionally raw, volatile state of the year, probably ever. The North Carolina skies opened with a blizzard this week, and how I wanted this snowy downpour to cleanse it all away.

Jesus Loves Me. This I Know?

Yes, Jesus loves me. For the Bible tells me so. But does he like me? Does he find me enjoyable? Why? Does he only “have” to love and like me because he’s Jesus? Furthermore, does his Church love me? Do they like me? Because so often I feel that they do not. That they just don’t have time for me. For my struggles and emotions.

Fucking Feel It

I know, I’ve already sworn and I’m not even past the first line. Please don’t be turned off. Please stay with me. When I worked in wilderness therapy a couple years ago, everyone made such a big deal about feelings. For example, you’d never answer “How are you feeling today?” with “I’m feeling good.” Because […]

A Man of God I Am Not

Upstream, of course. I’ve always been swimming upstream. Against the current. The current of sexuality. The current of introversion. The current of inferiority. The current of separation. The current of brokenness and deficiency. The current of not being quite enough of a man, if even at all. Let alone a man of God.

Death and Death and the Coming Tide of Death

Today I learned that my church died. Not my current church. Not my previous church. Not even a church I’ve attended in four years. But the first church that felt something like home.

My Weird Little Introverted Internet Life

Like, this is actually my life now. Meeting folks from the Internet wherever I go. Near and far and down the street. I mean, I’ve lived this life for years now. I’m not oblivious to it. I’m just feeling it really strongly today. Realizing I hardly translate my weird little introverted Internet life to others.

Waking Up from a Thousand What Isn’ts

Being present. I find it so difficult. Perhaps my greatest challenge. I entertain a thousand fantasies on any given day. Many of them “harmless.” Or maybe not. A move to this city. A quick wandering to that one. Staying here in the Blue Ridge the rest of my life. Leaving tomorrow. Old friends, new friends.

I Want This Plane to Crash

All we have is this moment. The key is being present. It’s always being present. Not giving more weight to the past or more to the future but just enough weight to all three. Whatever that perfect ratio is, I have no idea. I do know the present must get the largest piece of pie.

City of Macaroons and Broken Dreams

I entered Charlotte with gargantuan hopes. Hopes that wherever I landed after #RunningTo would be the city I’d call home the rest of my life. A city of dreams fulfilled that simultaneously kept adding new ones. I stare at this Queen City skyline with kind of a hopeless sigh. I failed this place.

Gravity Is Pulling You and Me and All of This Down

He is God. He is here. He has shown up. There is nowhere we can go, be it among the Biltmore sunflowers or on a lonely college road, void of God’s presence. Are we blind? Are we just not seeing him?

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing Anymore Except

The slate is wiped clean. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore. Except for ten minutes every morning.

5 Regrets After 5 Years of Struggle Central

Writing Struggle Central five years ago was absolutely the path God intended for me eons ago. My path as a human, my path as a writer. The gateway to my wildest dreams as an author. Also, a nightmare. A foreign world with implications I’d have never otherwise encountered.

A “Love, Simon” Pseudo-Review

On High School, Deep Dark Secrets, Coming Out, Asexuality, My First Kiss, Longing, Commitment, Separation, and the Eternal What-If? I tracked along with 95% of Love, Simon. The deep dark secrets. The longings for other boys. The conflict between self and persona. The thrill of realizing you’re not alone.

Where (and Why) I’m Wandering Next

Back in the height of my wandering (have I reached the valley yet?), I read a blog about the importance of traveling. I have no idea who wrote it or where the link stands today, but there’s one tip from the post I’ll never forget. I’ve implemented it ever since I read it, and it’s […]

Cleanse

For the next two weeks, I’m embarking on a body cleanse. I’ll be taking fiber supplements along with liver and digestive supplements every morning. And every night. I’ll finally be scrubbing out my insides after thirty years. I’ll probably be pooping a lot. But don’t worry. This post goes beyond my bowel movements. That part […]

Some Days You Have A Lot. Some A Little. Others Nothing.

Now that Running To has run to Amazon and other online booksellers, I find myself with a lot more free time. More free time to practice guitar and work out. More time to post on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and engage with my following. Engage with my friends. More free time to read. More […]

When Writing a Book Isn’t Worth It

I completed writing my second book in September — a mammoth project three years in the making. For weeks and months and, yes, years, I legitimately wondered if the thing would ever get finished. I faced a lot of demons during the writing of this book: Despair that my epic journey was over, a reality […]

Back Before the Darkness Found Me

A year ago, I was blogging every day of the month as part of my #MakeNovemberTolerable campaign. I’ve long despised November for all the negative things that seem to converge upon this month, and last year’s effort was to see the beautiful things among memories of my dog dying, my Internet friend dying, and the […]

Like a Lost and Groaning Gandalf

I’ve long been drawn to the wise old figures in story — “the mentor,” as the archetype goes. The Yoda crawling around Luke Skywalker’s lunchbox. The Gandalf showing up at Frodo’s round door. I’ve always wanted my own mythical mentor to show up when I least expect it, breaking my tedious present, leading me into […]

Who Am I Now?

Once upon a new year, I promised I’d blog here weekly all year long. I also made a short list of other so-called resolutions, and ten months into this new year I realize I’m only hitting with about 50% success overall. I am so great. At least I still have two months to finish the […]

Introducing my hometown!

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately. Travels and book-writing have kept me busy. Here’s a Snapchat story of my tour through Langhorne, Pennsylvania — my hometown. Some of you may have seen variations of this tour over the years; newer followers may not be familiar. Enjoy! #TMZroadstache

The Virus of Restlessness

At long last, I join forces with Steinbeck and find a fellow wanderer. Anyone else relate? Thoughts from my third day of #RunningToo:

Introducing . . . #RunningToo

Rather than write a verbose post about my next adventure beyond quitting my job, I figured why not just tell you face-to-digital-face?! Check out my video below for all the scoop on what I’m calling #RunningToo. Well, not all the scoop. Gotta leave some room for mystery, don’t I? In any case, comment below if […]

I Need to Hear Again: or, Why I’m Quitting My Job and Hitting the Road

In third grade, my music teacher told us the story of Beethoven. I think it was Beethoven. I’m too lazy to google it now. When Beethoven first started losing his hearing, he inserted a metal tube into his ear to help him drown out the excess noise and focus his hearing. As his hearing worsened, […]

To be still, yet still moving

I moved recently — four whole doors down to another unit in my complex. It wasn’t ideal, but life rarely is. My roommates and I had hoped to move into a house — an eclectic one with a porch, a balcony, a big yard, tucked into the hills over Asheville, perhaps with a long driveway […]

Old Life and New Life and the Life in Between

My grandfather celebrated his ninetieth birthday last month. Family from coast to coast — West to East and North to South — converged upon Langhorne, Pennsylvania for our biggest family celebration since my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary in 1998. A lot’s happened in the last two decades. I’ve written previously about the one I call […]

I Love/Hate California

Six months ago, I decided to be reckless. I was out running by a lake near my home in Asheville as that all-too-common feeling of stuckness squelched my every step. I needed a change — what else is new? — something to plan, somewhere to run. As I literally ran in this moment of desperation, my thoughts latched […]

kill the twentysomething

My twenties are gone. Forever. I’ve often been accused of being too dramatic, both on this blog and in “real life.” I’m too emotional. Too heavy and melancholy and not enough amounts of light-hearted and sunny. So, in an effort to balance out my being, I’m going to reminisce on my greatest hits as a […]

Running To: The Book Trailer

For the better part of a year, I’ve been compiling video footage from a road trip that took me from California to the Carolinas and practically everywhere in between. I’ve been editing a hybrid retrospective / book trailer for days and weeks at a time, and I’ve also forgotten about it and left it to collect dust […]

The Best Worst Year in the Blue Ridge

I’m the kind of guy who compares anything to everything: my favorite TV show (Survivor) to my least favorite (The Bachelor), the best month (April) to the worst month (November), the greatest year of my life (2012) to the very worst (2006). I can’t help it. I compare. It’s what I do. It’s why I […]

A Broken Record with Yellow Lines

I traveled to Chattanooga over the weekend for a conference on sexuality in the church (you can read my recap on YOB; another post of mine premiering today). I packed up Jude in a pretty rotten headspace on Friday night, and then I hit the road home for Asheville two days later singing to the Backstreet Boys. […]

Love is Not the Greatest

I’ve watched approximately seven Boy Meets World episodes in their entirety, though plenty of passing clips. I’ve blogged about this show in the past, including its spinoff, because my younger sister would watch it after school, and the strong friendship between Corey and Shawn always kept my eyes craning. Lately, life circumstances have again caused me to […]

You’re just gonna leave me, so what’s the point?

I’m a sarcastic fellow. A dark fellow. A sad and sickly fellow with a twisted sense of humor that must often be tempered among the sunny masses. The older I get, the more cynical I’ve grown — or devolved. However you look at it. More and more frequently, I tell myself there’s just no point in reaching […]

That Boy is Dead

I recently went home to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday (she doesn’t look a day over 38). It was a weekend of laughs and meals and car rides that reminded me how blessed I am to be a Zuniga. And yet part of that weekend pricked a wound still in me. As part of our […]

Hey, Jude

2016 introduced me to not one but two seasons of carlessness — my first bouts without a vehicle since becoming an adult many moons ago. These seasons without wheels humbled me. Most of the world lives without cars, after all. I was still among the 1% wealthiest people, even without a car. Walking to work […]

Snow That Traps and Beckons

I still remember sitting in that YMCA conference room last March, my third day of training for this new job and just my fourth day living in Asheville. I stared out the giant bay windows, mesmerized by flaky snow drifting downward from a vast gray expanse. This city I’d only ever known for summer camps and […]

Another disaster of a year begins . . .

I hate new years. I hate resolutions. I hate the assumption that just because the calendar changes from one month and one year to the next, the past is wiped clean and anything is possible — well, for about two and a half weeks. And then it’s back to tubs of ice cream and pornography. […]

And to All a Good Riddance

As the grotesque mass of space garbage we call 2016 hurtles toward oblivion, people everywhere are cheering the prospect of a new year. Myself included. We’ve proclaimed this the worst year ever, what with a most bizarre election cycle, the deaths of numerous beloved celebrities, raging wildfires and natural disasters, and the opening of the […]

I Watched Gilmore Girls and Now I’m Thinking Too Much

I watched the Gilmore Girls revival over the weekend. There. I said it. Laugh at me. Deride me. Label me with your sharpest effeminate nicknames. It’s not like I have masculine issues or anything. I grew up with a little sister who loved Gilmore Girls, and as such, I saw more than a few episodes. I was […]

Shackles and Freedom and the Space In-Between

Your bike chain breaks. The rains pour down. But still you soldier forward into the crosswalk and down the sidewalk. Because inside your wallet is a coffee shop punchcard with 16 holes, the magic number, the promised land, and you’re power-walking toward the place wiping raindrops from your brow. You step inside and reveal the punchcard with […]

Why I Hated Blogging Every Day This Month

Before November could unleash her usual dread upon me, I decided I’d take a proactive approach with this month. Blog every day, I thought? Would that do it? Would that do the trick and make me somehow look forward to this month instead of loathe it every day? Some days were better than others. Some […]

Some Days Are Like Gnomes With No Legs

I can’t believe I’ve been blogging every day for four straight weeks now. Like. What? How have I even done this? How have I actually trained myself to sit down for an hour or two every day and simply say whatever came to mind without ever going back and changing what just erupted from my […]

When I Paid Seventeen Bucks for a Book with No Name

Would you ever buy a book without knowing the title, the author, or even the plot? I did. The independent bookstore downtown is a quirky little place. It’s where I take all my visitors for the tradition of taking their “YAY!” magnet pictures, and beyond books in genres like yoga-gardening and nude watercolors, you can also […]

Carlessness, Homelessness, and a Sea of Golden Butterflies

I sold my car last week. T’was already the second time I said goodbye to a vehicle this year; unlike the first, I couldn’t have been more thrilled to sign over this title. The reasons for selling were many — impatience, finances, the government — and, ultimately, I went with my gut. My gut said […]

I Peed in the Woods This Morning

Well, I missed a day of blogging. My dreams, dashed. My hopes, crushed. My legacy, tarnished. But I have a good excuse. I took the students on a campout last night, my first overnight excursion on the job, and I couldn’t exactly blog ‘neath the stars. So, I cheated with this Instagram photo yesterday afternoon: […]

A Heart That Can Always Come Home

I’m an angsty guy, I’m realizing — shocker of the century, I know you’re screaming. I’m rarely ever content, but I do experience contentment. However fleeting. Holidays help ground me. They remind me where I came from and they tell me I’m not alone — even though I try to convince myself otherwise the rest […]

If the man I am now were the man I was then

Do you ever wish you could transplant the essence of your being today into the shell of your being yesterday? In other words, do you ever wish you could take what you know now and live in that mindset back then? I drove to my parents’ place in Georgia last night and went strolling through […]

Don’t Ruin the Future

Last weekend, I returned to one of those pivotal places of the past. The city: Gatlinburg, Tennessee. My last official #RunningTo stop before retreating to a cabin in the woods for 36 solitary hours to figure out whether I’d move to Milwaukee or Gettysburg or Charlotte to round out my 9 months on the road. […]

What If I Went to My Grave?

As somebody increasingly drawn to living an epic story, I often catch myself living in the fantastical “what if.” What if I lived in Seattle? What if I did another, longer version of my #RunningTo road trip? What if I owned a rustic VW bus? What if I backpacked around Europe or South America or New […]

I Don’t Want to Do This

I don’t want to do this. But here I am. Blogging. Tonight. Late. After 10pm. Hardly an hour or two to spare until midnight. Just in time for Day 20. Today’s a great example of doing something I don’t want to do after an entire day of doing what I live for. This morning, I […]

When I Hate the Cross

I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember. My Christianness predates my Phillies fandom, my Survivor-mania, even my innate wandering spirit. Seems I’ve always known about God and Jesus and the cross and how I’d be nothing without Him, nothing without those two coarse beams of wood. And yet something about the […]

Hello, Mr. Moose Head with the Hookah: or, Escaping the Staleness

Tonight I hopped on my bike not knowing where I’d be riding it. The further away I rode from my house, the more the pieces fell into place. A street here. An uphill climb there. A brand new coffee shop where I’d yet to sit and sip and ruminate. This place I found downtown is […]

A Decade Without Annie

The vortex of my loathing for November stems from this date a decade ago. The day I lost my dog, Annie, to a freak accident. An accident I was convinced was connected to my first bout with pornography and God’s judgment. A decade later, I’ve laxed on the whole God punishing me thing; a decade […]

You and I Will Be Okay

Earlier this year, I lost my beloved Mitsy to old age and a fuming engine on I-81S. I cried over her (wept, really), I memorialized her, and I spent the next two months of my life walking around Asheville until my sister’s old car became my new car — Des. She’s a 1998 Toyota Corolla, […]

Will the Words Still Come?

Today I’m halfway through my 30-day blogging challenge. It was fun and novel at first, blogging every day. Like I’d put on skinny jeans or a trendy scarf for the first time or decided to “go vegan.” 15 days later, it’s still fun. It’s become automatic that after work every day I come to a […]

Why I Do What I Do

A year ago, I knew nothing about recovery. Phrases like “twelve steps” and “Alcoholics Anonymous” may as well have been as foreign to me as “World Champion Chicago Cubs.” But then I started working with teens in recovery, both in the woods and in a beautiful building, and I’ve learned I’m not that different from […]

We’re All the Same Here

The first time I used a laundromat was in Milwaukee the summer of 2011. I worked at a missions camp for three months, and every weekend my team and I would venture to the laundromat down the road to take care of our dirty clothes. I’d always had a washer/dryer wherever I’d lived, so this […]

God is Good, God is Great?

I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll probably say it time and time again: God bless Panera Bread. It’s a microcosm of society. From coast to coast, I’ve seen Christians unite at Panera after church and homeless people sit by the fireplace and little old ladies knitting and playing Scrabble. I’ve also seen students […]

Sometimes a sunset . . .

Sometimes you fall asleep in the Starbucks parking lot after a long day and a long week and you climb out of your car to find the sky ablaze, swirling with the comfort that a new night is here, a new weekend dawns, and rest is already among us. If we’ll only wake up to […]

The Opposite of Addiction

Back when I worked in wilderness therapy last year, I learned an important lesson: the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. I had to think about it for a while. Absorb it. Reflect on it. Think back on the times I’ve experienced addition — pornography, promiscuity, a poor self-image […]

One Word to Sum Up Our New Future:

One more political-ish post. And then hopefully not another until (at least) the next election. I’m so glad it’s finally over. Give us at least a couple weeks to recover, media. Please. People are feeling stuff today. It started at sunrise as I drove to work and interacted with a coffee barista and fellow coworkers […]

Who I’m Voting For Today

I am so weird: I’m obsessed with politics. I can’t get enough Daily Show and John Oliver and SNL sketches and debates and polls, and I’ve navigated onto clickable red- and blue-colored maps admittedly more times than any human should these last few months. And yet for all my endless fascination for politics, you cannot […]

Why I Park On Top of Parking Decks

When I was a kid, we went to the hospital a lot. My mom had some health issues, and on these hospital visits my dad would take me, my brother, and my sister to the top of the parking deck to run around and look out and otherwise pass the time. It’s not something you’d […]

What to do when you’re lost and lonely and sad

One of the perks of living in Asheville — a big one, really — is the opportunity to escape to the mountains anytime I please. Growing up in eastern Pennsylvania and then eastern Georgia, I never knew about daily life with mountains. My vision and expectations always encompassed a flat horizon preceded by fields and […]

When I’m Getting a Dog

I’m dogsitting this weekend. Before I moved to Asheville, I never dog-sat or cat-sat or any-other-animal-sat a day in my life. Now, it seems I do it every other weekend. At last count, I think I’ve kept ten different animals alive since moving here. It started with one pet-sitting request at work, and it just […]

I’m Hitting the Road Again

When my roommate left for a trip a couple weeks ago, I determined I’d dive back into Couchsurfing again. I’d hosted 10-15 folks going back to my move to Asheville in February, but only one in the prior four months. I stopped hosting for various reasons. My roommate and I had lots of friends visit […]

I Got Triggered Today

“Weekend Tom” returned to “Weekday Tom” at school today. One kid struggled with recursive sequences. Another kept falling asleep learning about dear sweet Pythagoras and his most beloved theorem. Yet another needed my step-by-step guidance, only to fizzle out of patience by hour’s end. It wasn’t the flashiest of mornings. No inspirational artist studio visits […]

And the Message is Fun

The last two days, I’ve taken our students to the River Arts District here in Asheville to visit with local artists in their studios and even do some painting on canvases and walls alike. It’s rare that I get to go out with the students, as I usually aid them with math or writing in […]

Wandering Wednesday #18: Great Smoky Mountain Railroad

You guys. When on earth was the last time I wandered on a Wednesday with y’all? I can’t even tell you. (I mean, I could just look it up on YouTube — it’s right there — but that’d defeat the purpose of such a hyperbolic statement.) A lot has transpired since I last wandered on […]

Goodbye, Chunks of My Soul

Some friends recently visited me, and now I almost wish they hadn’t. Almost. It’s still a shiny, new thing for me to host people in my home and city. A couple folks visited me back when I lived in California, mostly my immediate family. But nothing compares to these last 8 months in Asheville. I’ve had […]

Four Seasons Later

I wore a sweater to work the other day. I climbed half-naked out of bed with a shiver and noted the morning temperature a brisk 49 degrees. So, I grabbed a light sweater from my closet — the first time I’ve worn one since March or April. Since I first moved to Asheville. Winter. Spring. Summer. […]

Unpacking My 3 Fictional Selves

Every now and then, Twitter messes me up — a 73-character lightning tweet of conviction or a common hashtag stirring genuine conversation. I’m a thinker, I live in my head, I get lost in my head, and if something sparks a thought, I’ll likely be embroiled in a mental forest fire by eventide. Twitter recently […]

When the New Man Looks Like the Old Man

“If anyone needs prayer, I invite you to speak with someone at the back of the room before you leave our service today. We’d love to pray with you.” I do need prayer, I think to myself from the back row. I need prayer very much. I need freedom from passivity. I need courage. I […]

All We Like Butterflies…

We’ve been raising monarch caterpillars at work for the last month. A woman we affectionately dubbed “The Butterfly Lady” came in with an aquarium full of milkweed and caterpillars the length of your pinky nail — dozens of them. You’d have never noticed them from afar. Most of those poor things died. It wasn’t our fault. Apparently […]

Tradition Doesn’t Have to Suck

Before moving to Asheville six months ago, I ventured into an independent bookstore here with a friend. Malaprop’s, the place is called — a play on “malapropism,” a term for a comedic way of misspeaking. Think Michael Scott of The Office. Said the well-meaning Dunder-Mifflin manager: “I am not one to be truffled with.” Anyway, I’d visited Malaprop’s […]

Why I Share My Story

I launched my first podcast a few weeks ago. I’ve wanted to be an author since first grade show-and-tell, but I never dreamt of being a podcaster — if for no other reason than I hated my voice. Although I suppose not knowing what a “podcast” was until just three years ago is another significant factor. After discovering […]

I Have a Podcast!

Friends, You might have heard I started a podcast. It’s called Your Other Brothers Podcast, a show about faith, sexuality, masculinity, and brotherhood. I’m increasingly stirred by this content matter, of helping struggling people escape loneliness and abandonment in the Church. To share my story in the company of my dear brothers is a surreal dream […]

I Have Nothing to Say About Orlando

I read many tweets in the 48-hour aftermath of the Orlando shooting that claimed fifty lives. One jumped out at me most. It said: Christians: your silence is a deafening roar. I read the tweet, felt sobered by the tweet, grew annoyed by the tweet, and then pondered my own “role” or “responsibility” with regard to Orlando and […]

Re-Learning How to Take Care of Myself

I’ve been living in Asheville for over two months now, and it’s been a mid-range roller coaster with moderate ups and downs. The new job and the Couchsurfing; the church-searching and the solitude; newfound stability versus my inner nomad. I’ve been attending a local support group twice a week for the last month, and I’m learning how to take care […]

That Time I Hosted the Same Couchsurfer for Two Weeks

When I first made the switch from Couchsurfing surfer extraordinaire to Couchsurfing hoster, I figured I’d ease into the transition. Host one or two people a month for one or two nights each, and that would tide me over, remind me of the road without having to leave for so long again. I’d cook my […]

29.

A couple housekeeping notes to start. First off, you might have noticed I’m starting to write more regularly with my awesome blogging brotherhood, Your Other Brothers. It’s becoming tedious to continue linking my new posts on that blog back to this one, so if you’d like to continue reading my posts over there, go ahead and subscribe to YOB! […]

The Hardest Video I’ve Ever Made

I don’t consider myself a videographer. I’m an artist first, a writer second, and somewhere within my inner swirl of creativity there’s room for music and painting and photography and even a little film. I have a YouTube channel, and I’ve shot/edited/published several videos over the years. Most of them are carefree and spontaneous and wandering-induced […]

Staying Through the Hurt

Last week was among my hardest weeks in many weeks. I’d said goodbye to two fantastic Couchsurfing guests, and I endured yet another week of training and work prep as my new organization continues to pass inspections and certifications and acquire total clearance for student admission. Even then, we will acquire students one at a time until we […]

When a Handshake Becomes a Hug

I’m approaching my one-month anniversary of moving to Asheville and manning my very own dwelling place, and I’m slowly figuring it all out, from living room arrangements to cooking my own meals. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to hang things on walls without puncturing said walls, per my lease, but […]

Why Would Anyone Want to Visit Me?

Prior to now, I’ve only ever lived alone once — and even then, it was just for six weeks while studying abroad at Oxford University. I was only 21, and it was the strangest thing to walk to the grocery store and purchase some Coco Pops (Britain’s monkey-adorned version of Cocoa Krispies) among other nutritious items, and […]

I’ve Never Been More Hopeful and Terrified

Last week I “celebrated” the one-year anniversary of my cross-continental road trip’s conclusion. And by “celebrated,” I mean to say I cried multiple times by day’s end. No dramatic gasping wheezing weeping sessions, but I dabbed my eyes throughout the afternoon and evening as I looked back at some images from the road, including that final one of […]

Goodbye, Charlotte

On March 9, 2015, I concluded a 9-month road trip around the continent with a relocation from southern California to Charlotte, North Carolina. “Why Charlotte?” many people asked, including several Charlotte residents. “It wasn’t my favorite city,” I told plenty. If I wanted to start over in a “favorite city,” I’d be donning a year-round beanie in […]

Surviving Jonas

Remember Jonas? The wintry storm that buried vehicles and tiny innocent dogs alike? Well, I lived Jonas. I survived Jonas; somehow, I made it out of Jonas alive. Heading into my ninth work shift, I knew there’d be some inclement weather that week. But I had no idea this weather would include a winter storm with its very own […]

I’ve Always Wanted a Big Brother

I’ve got a post up today at my collaborative blog, Your Other Brothers. Here’s a snippet below! In the fascinating personality model of the Enneagram, I’m a Type 4, the individualist. Type 4’s are generally introverted, introspective, creative, and — best of all — deeply emotional. Everything profoundly affects us 4’s, from sunsets to dog movies to every single word everyone […]

The Life I Could Have Lived

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Cheers fill the brisk 39-degree square, a woman with a microphone starts singing “Auld Lang Syne,” dancing ensues, and fireworks shoot over the historic Gettysburg Hotel. 2015 has fallen into oblivion, and I’m wondering how my life got here. ~ ~ ~ […]

My 3 Favorite Christmas Songs

I’m not blogging as much these days; believe me, I’ve noticed. I feel the words escaping me the longer I sit here, and I find myself eager to ditch my computer and let this blinking cursor flash all Christmas Day. Perhaps the new year will bring new inspiration for blogging, like old times. But for now, I can only offer […]

Nothing Can Get Me Here

Walking into base Friday morning, I was confused where I’d be spending this short half-shift. One board had me listed with the same group as last time, another board had me back with Matt and the recovering addicts, and yet another board had me with an entirely new group of teens altogether. Turns out I’d be […]