That Time I Stood Up to a Homophobic, Transphobic Bully – Also, a Pastor

A storyteller I follow refers to his growth in the numerical unit of past iterations of himself. “That was eight Robs ago,” he’d say of himself, back when he used to believe one thing or behave a totally different way. I’ve started viewing my own growth in this vein, thinking about all the Toms that have existed in this singular Tom, particularly with regard to this active-passive dynamic. My passivity has run especially true in matters of relational conflict. Given the option to fight a conflict or flight a conflict (please excuse my incorrect usage of a noun as a verb in the name of symmetry), I will flight nine times out of ten. Ah, but then there’s always that one instance…

The Joys and Challenges of Traveling Solo Across Alaska

Here’s a multi-faceted realization I’ve found in recent years: I absolutely love to travel solo — and most people absolutely do not. Traveling solo doesn’t daunt me; indeed, it ignites something primal and wondrous in me. Comparing myself to how most other people travel, though, is another mountain: Why are they not like me? Why am I not at all like them?

Healthy Rest / Unhealthy Rest

I’m realizing healthy rest bleeds into my productivity. “Healthy productivity” – that’s a thing, too. Not just being productive from a sense of duty, distracting-distracting-distracting your heart, but producing from a well-stewarded overflow. Incorporating rest not just after but into my productivity – this is the magic.

Leave Me Alone

I’m grieving more than just the loss of my grandfather — a hero, a giant, an embodiment of God’s love. I’m grieving all relational brokenness. I’m grieving human death for the first time, yes, but I’m also grieving everything else that separates humanity. Divorce, war, disagreement, misunderstanding, vitriol. Friends who aren’t friends anymore.

This Isn’t Real Life

When real life gets hard and messy and not as it should be, I have an inner sanctum I return to, again and again. One rotted by dopamine-laced falsities.

Nothing Makes Sense (And the C Chord Lingers Still)

I don’t know where this particular tune in time is taking me. I hear a lot of silence right now. Resolution feels far off. The last note lingers, and I want to hear the final sound.

A Man of God I Am Not

Upstream, of course. I’ve always been swimming upstream. Against the current. The current of sexuality. The current of introversion. The current of inferiority. The current of separation. The current of brokenness and deficiency. The current of not being quite enough of a man, if even at all. Let alone a man of God.

My Weird Little Introverted Internet Life

Like, this is actually my life now. Meeting folks from the Internet wherever I go. Near and far and down the street. I mean, I’ve lived this life for years now. I’m not oblivious to it. I’m just feeling it really strongly today. Realizing I hardly translate my weird little introverted Internet life to others.

I Watched Gilmore Girls and Now I’m Thinking Too Much

I watched the Gilmore Girls revival over the weekend. There. I said it. Laugh at me. Deride me. Label me with your sharpest effeminate nicknames. It’s not like I have masculine issues or anything. I grew up with a little sister who loved Gilmore Girls, and as such, I saw more than a few episodes. I was […]

A Decade Without Annie

The vortex of my loathing for November stems from this date a decade ago. The day I lost my dog, Annie, to a freak accident. An accident I was convinced was connected to my first bout with pornography and God’s judgment. A decade later, I’ve laxed on the whole God punishing me thing; a decade […]

We’re All the Same Here

The first time I used a laundromat was in Milwaukee the summer of 2011. I worked at a missions camp for three months, and every weekend my team and I would venture to the laundromat down the road to take care of our dirty clothes. I’d always had a washer/dryer wherever I’d lived, so this […]

The Opposite of Addiction

Back when I worked in wilderness therapy last year, I learned an important lesson: the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. I had to think about it for a while. Absorb it. Reflect on it. Think back on the times I’ve experienced addition — pornography, promiscuity, a poor self-image […]

I Got Triggered Today

“Weekend Tom” returned to “Weekday Tom” at school today. One kid struggled with recursive sequences. Another kept falling asleep learning about dear sweet Pythagoras and his most beloved theorem. Yet another needed my step-by-step guidance, only to fizzle out of patience by hour’s end. It wasn’t the flashiest of mornings. No inspirational artist studio visits […]

Unpacking My 3 Fictional Selves

Every now and then, Twitter messes me up — a 73-character lightning tweet of conviction or a common hashtag stirring genuine conversation. I’m a thinker, I live in my head, I get lost in my head, and if something sparks a thought, I’ll likely be embroiled in a mental forest fire by eventide. Twitter recently […]

When the New Man Looks Like the Old Man

“If anyone needs prayer, I invite you to speak with someone at the back of the room before you leave our service today. We’d love to pray with you.” I do need prayer, I think to myself from the back row. I need prayer very much. I need freedom from passivity. I need courage. I […]

What Makes Me a Horrible Friend

I’m a horrible friend. I only want your friendship for your kind words so that I can feel affirmed. I only want your friendship for your favors so that I can do less work or spend less money. I only want your friendship for those one-sided conversations that make me feel less lonely as I completely […]

The Real Reason Why I’ve Never Dated

I’m 26, soon to be 27, and I have never dated. This fact used to elicit great shame; at times, it still does. Looking back, however, I don’t believe I’ve ever been “ready.” Somebody in an online group recently posed a question that awakened me as to why: “How do you know you want to […]

Introvert Issues: Why I Weary

I’m weary. Good-weary, but weary nonetheless. Two days ago, I returned from a ten-day pilgrimage to Nashville with subsequent Tennessean stops in Franklin and Chattanooga. The journey continued onward with Georgian escapades in Watkinsville, Athens, Milledgeville, and Helen. It wasn’t so much the constant moving around that wore me out. It was the people. Good […]

INTELLECTION: My #1 “Strengths Finder” Strength

This is the first in a five-part series on Strengths Finder, a fantastic resource from Gallup that helps people realize their strengths. Our culture seems obsessed on exposing our flaws and weaknesses and how we can “improve” by altering or even reversing those traits. But Strengths Finder is all about uncovering your innate strengths and building […]

“Struggle Central” Excerpt #1: Shame on Me

It’s Struggle Sunday! Today marks a decidedly special Struggle Sunday edition, because posted below is an official excerpt from my upcoming book, Struggle Central: Quarter-Life Confessions of a Messed Up Christian. It’s the first sneak peak of several in the weeks to come! My first book releases soon! Subscribe to my email newsletter for your […]

Korea vs. California: A Reason and a Season

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Ever since graduating from college in 2009, I’ve gone about some routine, hoping/thinking/praying I’m doing what I’m “supposed” to be doing. Whether it’s the “right” thing. Or if I’m in the “right” place. I think I belong in California right now. Pretty sure, actually. I’ve […]

Why I’ve Never Been Baptized

Several years ago I watched my younger siblings do it. I’ve often wondered whether I would ever follow in their footsteps. Been questioned about it plenty of times. But I already have Jesus in my heart. I love Him dearly. He is everything; He’s the only thing. For nearly 25 years God’s will has superseded […]

Good Enough for Loneliness

Today I have the extreme honor of guest-posting at one of my favorite blogs on the whole interweb, People of the Second Chance. Below is an excerpt, and you can click the link at the end for the continuation. Would love your comments over there and then your comments back here. And then you do […]

Struggle Sunday: Shame On Me

So I’ve been blogging here for three months and have only written two “Struggle Sunday” posts. Just goes to show how hard it is to write about the tough stuff — topics I do regularly want to examine. So if it’s been several Sundays without a struggler post, feel free to nudge me on the […]

Writing to Me, Circa 2005

Ever wish you could write a letter to yourself? And by “yourself” I mean the “you” from your past? Knowing what we know about ourselves now, wouldn’t that be incredible if we could mail ourselves some invaluable advice? Well finally, we can do just that. Actually, no we can’t. But we can pretend, right? There’s […]

TMZ: Brother

Life is hard. It’s an unfortunate reality that my 24-year-old brain is only still just beginning to grasp. Thankfully, we don’t have to walk this road alone. And that’s where my role as brother enters this blog. When I describe myself as a “brother,” yes, I am indeed a blood-related brother to two fantastic scratching/crying […]