That Time I Stood Up to a Homophobic, Transphobic Bully – Also, a Pastor

A storyteller I follow refers to his growth in the numerical unit of past iterations of himself. “That was eight Robs ago,” he’d say of himself, back when he used to believe one thing or behave a totally different way. I’ve started viewing my own growth in this vein, thinking about all the Toms that have existed in this singular Tom, particularly with regard to this active-passive dynamic. My passivity has run especially true in matters of relational conflict. Given the option to fight a conflict or flight a conflict (please excuse my incorrect usage of a noun as a verb in the name of symmetry), I will flight nine times out of ten. Ah, but then there’s always that one instance…

The Cost of New Creation (2024 Will Hurt)

Sometimes we speak things out, and they become true. Like we’re wizards spinning magic into this world; our wands as our pens and mouths, created by a Creator with the same capacity to write and speak and do. Create. And then other times we declare bold things for our stories that do not come true. These goals, these new stories, these fuller versions of ourselves – well, they don’t form as we hoped, if even they form at all.

The Joys and Challenges of Traveling Solo Across Alaska

Here’s a multi-faceted realization I’ve found in recent years: I absolutely love to travel solo — and most people absolutely do not. Traveling solo doesn’t daunt me; indeed, it ignites something primal and wondrous in me. Comparing myself to how most other people travel, though, is another mountain: Why are they not like me? Why am I not at all like them?

I Can’t Believe I Came From Her

My grandmother died. These words rattle around my heart like pinballs that won’t settle, even a week beyond her funeral. And yet I wonder if the settling of these pinballs would be any better – the finality of their lodging into the belly of that machine, no longer kept alive by another flap of the paddles. Mayme Alice was the last of my grandparents to leave this earth, and undoubtedly the one with whom I grew closest.

Checking the Comments on My Leg Hair Insecurity Video!

My most popular video of all-time involved taking a trimmer to my legs and letting the ~drama~ unfold from there. Time to check on all the hilarious, supportive, unsupportive, and thirsty comments a year later!

Am I Worthy of Your Giving?

Am I really worth your hard-earned dollars? Am I worth your kindness? You say I am, but am I really? I don’t want to waste my money – your money. I don’t want to buy things I don’t “need.” But I also “need” some amount of pleasure and joy. Can I buy a milkshake with your money? What about a new lamp for my studio? I want to make you proud of my journey, however much you’ve contributed to it. I want to be worthy of every cent.

Coming Out to Myself – 14 Years Later

It’s LGBT+ History Month, and October 11th is National Coming Out Day. After pondering this video idea for a few years, now felt like the right time to relive my first coming out – by re-reading the journal entry I wrote at 19 on a raw, tragic night in 2006. I hadn’t looked at these words in 14 years. T’was the night I came out to myself and to God: a same-sex attracted or gay or queer Christian. Soon after this, I’d come out to my parents too.

Change, Leave!

I want to leave my usual ways of changing, leaving. Of always running from things, even if I’m also running to new ones. Of masking my loneliness and shame with adventures and Instagram posts. I want to continue learning to stay for a change, staying for change.

I’ve Never Weighed as Much as I Do Now

I’ve gained about 20 pounds from my autoimmune disease, now sitting just 3 pounds away from “overweight.” My whole life I’ve never been insecure about my body weight – until this moment.

I Am Not in Control

I have control issues. I have known this about myself for a little while now. Counseling has helped me see it more clearly, though I feel I’ve known this for many years prior. I don’t like being at the mercy of my circumstances. Especially the mercy of another human.

Go to Hell

Maybe instant healing and freedom do happen like that in other contexts, in other humans. I don’t know. I don’t know what that’s like. Maybe for the rest of us, though, the fight never ends. Maybe the enemy comes back, over and over.

Life as an Enneagram Type 4: What Unhealthy Tom Looks Like

I recently blogged about Enneagram — the personality model, not the board game. The Enneagram Institute splits humanity into nine definitive personality “types,” each interconnected with the other types. What follows is the second post in a brief introspective series about my life as a Type 4: “The Individualist.” Today, I examine the darker side of life as an unhealthy Type 4 […]

“Struggle Central” Excerpt #1: Shame on Me

It’s Struggle Sunday! Today marks a decidedly special Struggle Sunday edition, because posted below is an official excerpt from my upcoming book, Struggle Central: Quarter-Life Confessions of a Messed Up Christian. It’s the first sneak peak of several in the weeks to come! My first book releases soon! Subscribe to my email newsletter for your […]

The Silly + the Serious of “Community” = This Blog?

Community is the greatest comedy on television. Its seamless transition from the silly to the serious is a sort of inspiration for my very blog. Watching Troy and Abed in the dreamatorium immediately followed by a sincere evaluation of their friendship reminds me of how I like to write about ducks (having sex) in my […]

A Birthday Baptism by Buccaneer Bay

I was baptized last week. It was more “unconventional” in the sense that the event did not occur within the traditional confines of a Sunday morning service of a standard church building. I kinda like that. But though occurring on a non-churchy Tuesday night at a non-churchy water park, my baptism most certainly occurred in […]

Why I’ve Never Been Baptized

Several years ago I watched my younger siblings do it. I’ve often wondered whether I would ever follow in their footsteps. Been questioned about it plenty of times. But I already have Jesus in my heart. I love Him dearly. He is everything; He’s the only thing. For nearly 25 years God’s will has superseded […]

EDEN-APPLE-HEART: My Apple (Part 2 of 3)

A couple weeks ago I started a three-part series examining my life’s “Eden,” “apple,” and “heart” moments, as inspired by one of my favorite musicians, Brandon Heath. Part 1, “My Eden,” was a fantasy-laden post chronicling my glorious childhood days of bikes and games and empty parking lots with siblings and cousins. Part 2, “My […]

Struggle Sunday: Shame On Me

So I’ve been blogging here for three months and have only written two “Struggle Sunday” posts. Just goes to show how hard it is to write about the tough stuff — topics I do regularly want to examine. So if it’s been several Sundays without a struggler post, feel free to nudge me on the […]

Writing to Me, Circa 2005

Ever wish you could write a letter to yourself? And by “yourself” I mean the “you” from your past? Knowing what we know about ourselves now, wouldn’t that be incredible if we could mail ourselves some invaluable advice? Well finally, we can do just that. Actually, no we can’t. But we can pretend, right? There’s […]