Hey there TMZ’ers, what’s up? The sky. Unless you’re inside, and it’s the ceiling. Or unless you’re in the Hunger Games, and it’s a force-field dome. And if you’re in the arena shouldn’t you be avoiding child-killers instead of reading this blog? I mean, I’m honored, but if you die then you can’t read my blog anymore and that would sadden me like Peeta’s horrifically feminine name.
Okay, here’s the thing. I was gonna buy this new $5 e-book that’s sweeping the nation and more specifically all the blogs in my Google Reader feed, but then Tyler Tarver up and emailed it to me for free. Free like Willie! Or stuff you just take without asking.
A little while back Tyler took suggestions for open letters he could write to famous people, which he would then compile into a book that changes lives forever and ever amen. Naturally, I jumped on the chance to suggest something, much like a tiger jumps on a gazelle.
Do tigers eat gazelle? Do they even live on the same continent? Is the plural of “gazelle” gazelle or gazelles?
In my comment I suggested Tyler write a letter to three different famous people, so I basically jumped three gazelle(s) because I’m the eye of the tiger and it’s the thrill of the fight.
The first one I suggested was Kimmy Gibbler from Full House (not Kimmy Gibbler from M*A*S*H), the second was Susie from Rugrats, and the third, the kid who wet the bed in Home Alone. I have no idea what was wrong with my first two
gazelle(s) suggestions, but he took my third one.
It’s easily the best chapter in his book, and I can say that with total honesty because I’m proud to be an American. Also, it’s the only chapter I’ve read so far.
That’s a lie. Or is it lay?
Does the way I’m writing this post scare you? Are you concerned for my mental well-being? I’m just trying to write like Tyler writes since Tyler writes like himself.
See, the thing about Tyler Tarver (aside from his all-too-awesome alliterative name and Arkansas accent) is that he has a unique way with words and metaphors because your love is a red, red rose.
Thus, you should buy his new book.
I mean, it’s five bucks. Which is also $5. Which is also 500 pennies. Who doesn’t have 500 spare pennies lodged in their glove compartment and/or wallet and/or nickel jar?
I’m not sure how you could use all those pennies to buy an e-book on the Internet, but I’m sure if you just mail Tyler a sack of pennies, he can take it from there. Or you could just email him and I’m sure he’ll explain the process to you better than this kid explains his dreams.
So there you go, I highly recommend Letters to Famous People. It’s so good I italicized it. You’ll laugh and cry, you’ll eat and sleep, and you’ll probably breathe at some point in your life too. Be forewarned, you’ll also need to use the bathroom. That includes #2, not the pencil.
That’s the TMZ guarantee, yessirree.
Did you buy the book like I specifically said for you to do? Do you agree
my Tyler’s chapter on “Kid Who Wet the Bed in Home Alone” is by far the best? Should I talk like Tyler Tarver more often or will I only hurt myself like an armless juggler?